Time. All it takes is time.

That’s a line from a song that has been floating in and out of my thoughts for weeks now, but I can’t place it or find it anywhere!  I can hear the melody and everything, but can’t recall any other lyrics, much less where it’s from.
Don’t you hate it when that happens?!  

Anyway, regardless– the concept, that anything takes time– is what truly resonates with me.
Time to grow
Time to heal
Time to learn
Time to practice
Time to adventure
Time to gain perspective
Time to understand
Time.

Time is something I’ve struggled with in various ways over the years.
Wishing I had more time
Remembering back to a different time
Not knowing what to do with my time
Having to much to do and not enough time
Wanting to go back in time

The list could go on.

But it’s not ok to live like that, I’ve discovered. Always living in a different time. Because then you are never living in the NOW, you will miss all the experiences and people that are coming and going around you because you are to busy stuck in a past time.
I’m not saying this is always easy, but when you can it opens you up to a lot of fun things.

This isn’t intended to be a long story based post, just a short muse on a topic… and to out these song lyrics out there into the universe, that maybe someone will recognize them and help me fill in what I’m missing, or just what the song it!

Anybody  know??  Or have personal reflections on the concept of time?  How it’s affected you?

Comment, share, like, tweet, reblog, etc!

Time is always been something I’ve struggled and played with- so much so that it, and a book titled, “Einstein’s Dream”, sparked a dance piece that I did the summer before my 1st year of college.  I don’t share this one much, and no comments on my movement technique at the time, but I think we all wish we could freeze some moments.  (And yes, back to the days of being super blond!)

 

I hope you all enjoy,

 

lovealways,  christiane

 

“it is’t yes, it’s not quite no”

This Bed is SO Damn Big- Need More Pillows!

I’ll let you all in on a little secret, for 70% of my posts I’ve already decided on the title then I have to come up with the body content. So, when this phrase showed up in my head, I wrote it down to save until I was ready to write the corresponding post, figuring it would be some sob-story, nostalgic post about missing by (ex)boyfriend, and how sleeping alone is so… well, lonely, and yadda yadda yadda.  (especially considering where it’s from)

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But laying in bed last night, forcing myself to fall asleep in the middle of my huge queen size, pillow top bed and not being able to get the title song (of this post) out of my head- I decided what I really needs were more pillows!!! Ya know, decorative throw pillows, to fill up the extra space, to look pretty, to lay on, to set stuff on, and just to be… there. Something to make it feel not so empty…. Make this bed feel a little less big.
Ok, maybe I’ve been spending to much time at Pier 1, but I’ve always loved throw pillows!

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Of course waking up the next morning. The previous nights decisions sound totally ridiculous… And expensive. This made me rethink, or think about at all, how much importance I… or we as a society… Place in material things. I am totally guilty of this. “Oh, if I get that lamp, pair of shoes, necklace, bottle of wine, glass figurine… I’ll be happy”!  But once that thing has become yesterday’s news, are we ever any happier? In the long run, probably not… And if you are budget conscious, you are probably even more disappointed. At least, that’s the story of my life.

Yet somehow, I can’t seem to find or maintain those non-tangible things.  AND here’s where it gets sappy.  We all knew it was coming eventually.  I truly miss sharing a bed with the person I lov(ed).  I would never want things to “go back” to the way they were, cause clearly that wasn’t good for any part involved… but did it have to be that way?  We may never know.  And I may never be able to sleep through the night without making my way over to the right side of the bed and waiting for cuddles…. at least until I get lots more pillows!

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love always,  christiane

Tippin’ the Scales, Pullin Away: Finding Balance

Happy Friday beautiful blog readers! I hope you all have had a good week and are looking forward tothe weekend! I’ve had a great, but busy week- which has inspired this post… All about finding balance. In every sense of the word. These are some personal accounts and observations about finding (and sometimes struggling with) balance in my life. I hope something in here speaks to each one of you or causes you to look at the balance (lack of it) in your lives.

Physically

Balance in the most literal sense. Like, if you stand on one foot can you stay there still and peaceful or are you wiggle-wobbling all over? After many years of dance and many many twisted ankles (my right ankle has been twisted at least 6 times), this was a sticking point for me for many years… and still is on rainy days ;-/ I didn’t know what really to do to “have better balance”. Usually in trying to achieve it, I would get more stressed and frustrated… and only become more unbalanced.

Now as a (more) physically active and away young adult, I’ve learned that there are many things that can to worked on to achieve better physical balance. One would be working on core strength and centering. Having a strong center (the powerhouse for the rest of the body and limbs) helps you transfer weight smoothly and evenly from one foot to the other. Working consistently on my core strength has also help me to overcome a 6 year old back injury- that only until recently did not flair up every time I did true pushups or heavy lifting!

Balance is something that needs to be practiced and revisited many times. It’s worked on in many dance or Pilates class you will go to. In fact, we did a single leg balancing series in my Pilates class today and I didn’t hardly waiver at all.  It felt really good to see and feel my personal progress.

Fitness

This really goes closely with physical balance, but in a different way.  Sometimes when I look at how much I run, hit the gym, or throw myself into a class, I’m surprised I’m still standing.  My stress relief is working out… a LOT. But there is such a thing as to much!  Balancing time in the gym and time to recover is important.  That recovery time give your body a chance to rebuild muscle and become stronger.  But when my head is spinning and the only relief is to be on the running trail, it’s important to be careful… overdoing it could be a lot worse then some tears.

I’ve found a nice balance… for now at least!  Trying to run 3+ miles every other day, and biking or walking on the off days.  Always stretching and doing core strengthening.  Then on days off, not even thinking about it!

I would be the one to push myself to far.  Last week i was in the gym for 3 hours.  Felt great and did some of everything and did it well… but then took the next 2 days off from high impact workouts.  The next time I went for a run, I felt better and was looking forward to it, rather then dragging myself through it.  Your body will thank you for this sense of balance.

Sleep vs. Awake

Now I don’t know about you, but I have a hard time finding a good balance between sleep and getting everything I need done in a day.  We all know some of the reasons sleep is so important- it’s a time for your body to rest and recover (either from the daily stress of life or from an injury or illness), sleep aids in memorization and productivity, it gives your body systems time to recharge, etc.  However, we all know that the demands of daily life in 2014 (especially in New York) don’t always understand or lend themselves to everyone getting those 8+/- uninterrupted hours of sleep.  I discovered on my trip to Illinois how tired I was.  The first few days there I literally fell asleep every 3 hours, for at least 1 hour, and finally felt like I was “caught up” on sleep.

I’m still struggling with this aspect of balance.  Even on days off, when I technically could sleep in and not be late for anything, I make myself rise at a relatively early hour.  If I stay in bed to long i end up feeling like I’ve waisted the day.  I will get up and go to the gym even when I want to stay in and rest.  Part of it is guilt, “waisted the day”. Part of it is knowing how much I want to get done in a day.  Part of it is fear, that if I stay inside and to myself I’ll get lonely and sad.

But there must be a good middle ground.  Turning in right after getting home at night to wake early the next morning and not feel exhausted all day at work.  Allowing some sleeping in, and being perfectly alright if everything on that To-Do list doesn’t get checked off that day.  It’s a process, finding that balance.

Emotionally

I seem to have a hard time finding and maintaining balance in this category.  It’s perfectly normal to have emotional reactions to various events- good, bad, happy, or sad, however sometimes I feel like my emotions are the ones calling the shots and not at all checking in ith the rest of me!  But emotions are not something we can actually see or touch… we can’t put a brace on them for stability.  So what can one do?

I found I got a graet emotional break when I got out of NYC and into the still, quiet, calm of my summer cottage in the valley.  I was able to get some perspective on my life, my situation, and my future.  I wasn’t constantly around reminders of that previous relationship or the place i used to call home.  I was able to distance myself and in doing so, came to a balance emotionally.  Harkening back to my previous post, EX-Factor, I was able to see, accept, acknowledge, and move on from what happened.  Allowing for this freed up some space to care and worry about other things- like myself and my rolls at work.  Being balanced physically and emotionally compliment one another and personally a least, have made me feel better about myself and more confident.

In just about everything else!

Balancing time with friends and time to one’s self.

Balancing one’s finances.

Balancing the good old diet.  This one I have fun with… as a bored eater, it’s sometimes hard to balance the snacking with the meals.  When am I actually hungry and need to eat vs.  when am I just eating cause it’s something to do.  Not to mention what are you putting in your body???  Are you getting a healthy balance of vegetables, fruits, carbs, protein, sugar, fiber… all that other stuff!  Especially when I leave home at 7AM and don’t come back till 11PM it gets hard to always eat healthy and on the go, without chewing a hole threw my wallet!

Who knew one word would pop up so much and in so many different places!?!  And get a whole post to itself!  haha.  I guess it’s just that important and because I does appear in so many different places, it’s something pretty much everyone has dealt with and can relate to.  Sometimes it’s easier to find and achieve then others, but balance is something that one can always work on.

I carry a little reminder to stay balanced on my person everyday.  The tattoo on my right ankle.  A traditional Yin-Yang symbolizing harmony and balance.  You can’t know black without knowing its opposite, white.  Nothing can exist without it’s opposite, but there are proportions that (when maintained) allow for calm and “balance”.  Why my right ankle?  Well not only because that is my weaker ankle, but I’m right side dominant- so reminding me to mix it up and lead with the left.  And to have a personal reminder, in general, all the time.  For balance in every sense of the word… idea… life style.  And it’s beautiful!

Well… I don’t think I have to much more to say on this subject at the moment.  What helps you find balance in your life?  What is a struggle for you to balance?  I know I’m not alone in this… sometimes though it’s hard to see where things are sliding one way or the other.  It’s not always an easy quick fix either.  thoughts?

AND bonus point to the reader/follower who can name the source I’m referencing in this entry title!!!!!

So on that note and till next time- follow, like, comment, share, etc!

love always,  christiane

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The EX-Factor

Sometimes, as much as we love to hate them, or hate to love them, or love that they hate us, or hate that they hate us, or love that they hate us (I could go on) we have to eventually admit that our Ex(s), as in someone you were in a significant relationship with and are no longer with, influence our lives and our feelings.

Do you ever find it strange how many feelings and memories can be evoked by a location, a song, a smell, a color, a food, or even a way of life? Sometimes bringing back fond memories of a different time, sometimes reminding of heartbreak, confusion, and even self doubt.

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Now that I’m back in NYC (and I’m sorry, but isn’t that the MOST AMAZING pic. of Midtown NYC– as I flew over Manhattan from STL!!! click to enlarge it!) I’m finding this may be something I struggle with. For example, a year ago today… or maybe it was yesterday, I reconnected with someone who I truly thought I would spend the rest of my life with, in Bryant Park. We talked, laughed and started to lay the ground work for a future. Fast forward to right now, and my life track looks like it’s just me… but I still have a hard time visiting Bryant Park. Just being there reminds me of that night that changed everything. So what do I do? -Go there everyday and wallow in my regret and sadness, wishing I could go back and change things so I’d still be happy? -Never set foot in that park again and avoid it at all costs, in so doing, miss out on all the events hosted there year round? No, that all sounds like it’s going a little over board and bordering on crazy. Instead, when I find myself chilling in Bryant Park, I acknowledge the memories and the feelings, but I let them go… and I enjoy my time.

I have a dear friend who very recently went through something very similar to my recent events. She retreated home in order to get ahold of her feelings and make a plan to take her life in a new direction. The other day she was headed to a wedding with family. Once at the venue, it hit her that she and her significant other had been there just weeks earlier and had enjoyed a wonderful evening. Now being back and alone, all those emotions hit her… hit her hard. Tears began as she tried to make her way into the reception room and join her family, but the memories won out- she turned and high tailed it out of there.

Can you blame her? I know those feelings all to well. All we can do is hope that time will make it easier to cope and that eventually these places will hold new and better memories for us.

However, not all Factors are something as easy as a location. This is where my current struggle kicks in. My now-Ex and I had begun a very strict vegetarian diet and lifestyle together… and now that I’m on my own I’m having trouble deciding if I should (or want to) remain vegetarian or, if in attempting to “purge” myself of all reminders of him (ya right, not!), I should let it go and eat whatever I want.

Thoughts? Suggestions?

I have found I naturally tend to lean towards a vegetarian diet regardless (I really don’t like to handle raw meat, so I don’t cook it often) and I have come to truly LOVE many of the vegetarian meals I have been introduced too. Am I holding onto something by continue with this lifestyle choice? I know that I do feel better when I eat less heavy meats and I’m enjoying trying new foods that otherwise I may never try. But it does remind me of him… and as we have to eat somewhat consistently… it’s almost a consistent reminder. Eventually I know it won’t be, but for the present moment… sigh.

This whole experience and how I’ve managed to (somewhat) overcome it and continue to live, has been a true eye opener. You may never realize how closely tied your life is with someone else until they are no longer a part of it, for better or worse. Then it’s a healing and growing process… which, as much as we wish it would just happen over night… actually takes a lot of time (whether we admit it to ourselves and others or not).  Sometimes it seems like the easiest answer is to delete all reminders of that other person (I don’t do this but I know someone who does) and pretend like it’s not something that keeps us up at night, or surfaces after a few to many drinks, or seems like it would be a comfort when things are hard and no one is there for you.  (more on this concept in a post coming soon).

So, what’s your Ex-Factor? What things stir up memories that you struggle with? 

Feel free to Share, Comment, Like, Follow, ETC!

There are some great posts on the way, including some travel stories with great pictures, the importance of balance and how I find that, and my newest post work-out treat! So I know you will want to stay tuned 😉

Love always, Christiane

This Town ain’t Big Enough for the 2 of Us

Have you ever thought, “I’ll never run into anyone I know in this huge big city!”  “How great, I can re-invent myself here, I doubt I’ll meet anyone I know”. 

 

Well, let me tell you, I used to think that way about NYC and quickly figured out this was not truly the case.  Over the past year or so in New York City, I’ve come to the realization that while the city itself is heavily populated, the island of Manhattan is quite small.  According to City of New York Department of City Planning (http://www.nyc.gov/html/dcp/html/census/popcur.shtml), in 2010 the reported population in New York City was an estimated  8,175,133 people with 1,585,873 of those residing on Manhattan.  The island of Manhattan itself has a total area of 23.7 square miles, measures 13.4 miles in length, and 2.3 miles at it’s widest.   (http://www.nycgo.com/articles/nyc-statistics-page)   So really, one is not all that far away from a LOT of people.  

On more then one occasion I’ve totally randomly ended up on the same train car right next to someone I know and maybe haven’t seen or talked to in years. For example-this past Friday I was catching the A train uptown from an evening of yoga classes in SoHo and who do I sit catty corner to?? Why Michael Wells, my swing partner (in crime) of 3 years back when we were in The Rug Cutters at Decatur School of Ballet!! Now of course I didn’t realize who it was right away. We were both sitting, reading, and in general tuning out anything on the New York subway that was happening. It wasn’t until we both looked up listening to the train announcer that we caught each other’s eye, took a moment to process who we were seeing, that we both broke into huge smiles and nearly screamed “Oh my GOD! I know you!“… Then proceeded to catch each other up on the past several years of our lives.This was a happy train run in. We’d been in the same city for over a year, sooner or later seems like we were bound to happen upon one another.

 

With the result of recent events in my life, I’ve come to wonder if this city is big enough for the two of us… ya know. Two people with similar (not the same… Clarifying that!) interests and similar commutes. What happens if… when we run into each other? Is this city big enough to keep us away and apart. If that’s what one wants, I guess so… New York can make or break dream, so why can’t it drive people together or apart? I suppose it can… It has.  

I suppose the reason behind this post, as random as it seems, is this:  As summer draws to a close and we return back to the city to prepare for what the Fall and Winter will bring what will happen.  I’m not backing down from whatever dream it is that I’m living out here but neither should anyone else.  So if there ever were to be that 1 in 100 train run in… how will it go down?  Is this city big enough for the both of us?

 

Comment, share, like, follow.  Instagram and Twitter  @NYChristiane

 

love always, Christiane

 

 

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I’m Melting! A piece on people.

If you are in New York City, then you know that it rained today. Of course, it started a full on storm just as I was leaving one job and deciding what to do before the next one. I decided not to rush anywhere, to leisurely make my way uptown. On doing so, I had time to notice the people around me.
Here’s what I saw-

The moment a drop of water fell, full on chaos broke out on the street. People fumbling to open umbrellas or breaking into a run to get under cover. Anything to get out of the water. Aggression doubled and along with the usual “head down, I’m not gonna look where I’m going and run into you… But it’s still your fault” attitude.

It’s a little water- is it really gonna do all that much harm? I had a realization. We have no problem dressing and going out into the sun and the heat. Sweating in our clothes and combating damp frizzy hair… So what is the difference with rain???

Be it sweat or rain water clothes (my clothes anyway) are damp, sticky, and clingy AND hair (my hair at least) is plastered down on top and sure to frizz up as soon as it even things about drying out.

So why don’t we… They… People, suddenly burst into a crazy fit the minute they feel a drop of perspiration the way we… they.. People do as soon as they feel a drop of precipitation ?

Unless you are the Wicked Witch of the West, a little water probably never hurt you that much… I can 99.9% guarantee you won’t melt !

This is what I thought about as I struggled past hordes of pedestrians crowding under the 59th St. Subway entrance

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“Live for cloudy days. Remember. Hold hands. Walk in the rain. Let clouds reflect in your eyes.”

We- people- Homo sapiens, are funny creatures. We can be impulsive but hide our instincts. Why? Is that one of the age old questions? I’ll leave it unanswered… For now.

And well, that’s what I thought about as I commuted underground and through the wet streets of the city between jobs. I thought I’d share this and ask if anyone else has felt this way. Or notice these funny quirks about ourselves. People.

Continue to share, follow, like, and comment! I hope you all like the blog- I’m so glad to be writing again!!

Love always, Christiane

And watch out- today was only 80% chance precipitation– tomorrow is 100%!!

Coming clean

I know, I know. I’ve been away for a bit. And even when I do post, I’m beating around a topic. Well, no more.

I wrote this awesome post (by the same title) but it didn’t get posted. I know what you’re thinking– oh man, she wrote a great post and then the computer crashed before it could be saved and something amazing was lost!. Well no, not exactly. It didn’t get posted because it didn’t tell the story… The truth… The way it needed to. So I saved that as a draft, to have for myself, and I’m starting again- quick, simple, to the point, and staying just what I need to.

Basically, through no fault of one individual or the other… But through the fault of lost communication, jealousy, misplaced support, and untrue facades… My relationship with someone very dear to me ended… Abruptly.

3 months ago I was left alone and nearly homeless, but through more luck and good will then I deserve, I got through it. Through the physical struggle anyway. In 15 days I secured a second job (more later) and a new apartment. With the support of friends and co-workers I got moved and settled.

I am resilient. Like a crocuses pushing back through the ice still lingering in early spring.

But am I happy? On the outside it would seem so. I look great and can eat again. I work and workout daily. I smile. But I still feel alone. I feel guilty. If one could go back- be who I really am instead of trying to be some version of a “perfect”, fashionable, working, un-spontaneous me- I would. Cause her, the real me, the one I see everyday, is who he loved (at least, I think so).

This has brought out a lot in me. I felt completely broken apart, but rebuilding with stronger material everyday.

So are you seeing anyone now?
My answer: Hell NO.
If I’m wasting time and money, it’s gonna be on me myself and I. Not someone I have no interest in. Cause I know I’ve met my match.

I’m not writing this for sympathy, to blame or bad mouth anyone, to beg forgiveness, or for the whole this to just be a bad dream and be fixed next week.
I’m writing this to be honest. To get these feeling and words off my chest and out of my head. I don’t love using this blog as a personal diary, but if I’m going to be writing about life, adventures, fitness, and New York City… Well you should know where I’m coming from. What’s motivating me.

So I leave you, on this rainy Monday night in NYC, with this–
Always say I love you and mean it.
Communicate with those you love and support them where they need it.
Be attentive.

But mostly, be true to yourself.
Forgive. Even if you are not forgiven in return.

I’m sorry.

And

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For everything ❤️

Goodnight

Christiane